There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
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You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
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The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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