I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize