Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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