I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
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You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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