I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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