I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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