I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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