oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize