running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
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I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
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I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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