I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
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