What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
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We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Come on in and take your pants off
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