I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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