yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
so much tequila, so little girl.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize