Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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