So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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