kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
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Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
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So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
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