I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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