Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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