we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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