Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize