used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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