At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
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Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
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It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
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