Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Text me some of your sweat
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