good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize