tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
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