I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
worst night to have a conscience
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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