Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
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Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
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Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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