I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
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I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
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Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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