I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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