i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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