I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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