The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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