So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life without a bra equals bliss.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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