how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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