he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
My dick has a subreddit
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
