I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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