What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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