My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
just tell him i said nine months
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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