Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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