Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
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You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
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When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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