There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
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Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
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Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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