Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
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I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
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Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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