Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize