I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
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