your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
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I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
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In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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