everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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