textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
birth control should be required to get into college
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize