it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
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You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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