We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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