i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
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